To Mourn or Adorn? A Guide to Seasonal Etiquette

To Mourn or Adorn? A Guide to Seasonal Etiquette

Oct 03, 2024

For many of us, the beginning of fall means gathering leaves, pulling out winter wear, and debating when to turn the heat back on. But funeral directors face a different dilemma: Deck the halls or dim the lights? 

Festive decor can evoke joy, comfort, and a sense of tradition, yet may stir complex emotions for families in mourning. Halloween, a holiday associated with death, horror, and the macabre, poses a unique challenge. For many, graphic images of gravestones, skeletons, ghosts, and gore may seem innocuous, but for those grieving a loss, they may feel like a stark and unwelcome contrast to their sorrow. 


What do Families Really Want? 

Many funeral homes share with us that there is “no reason not to celebrate.” While they don’t decorate for Halloween, the team at Reynolds-Jonkhoff Funeral Home and Cremation Services says they do enjoy dressing up in tasteful costumes and handing out candy. Situated in the most prominent and historically significant building in Traverse City, Michigan, they have perhaps the best trick-or-treating spot in town. As community leaders and stewards of a local legacy, they see it as their duty to spread holiday joy. Each December, they open their doors to the public and offer tours of the famous Perry Hannah House, a 3,500-square-foot mansion built by the town’s first mayor in 1893. Adorned with over 30 beautifully-decorated Christmas trees, they host popular holiday events that generate considerable donations for charity. 

By embracing the holiday spirit, funeral directors have an opportunity to provide comfort, tradition, and solace to grieving customers. This can also help make the funeral home appear less intimidating to the wider community. By keeping decorations meaningful and inclusive, you can foster a positive atmosphere of healing, reflection, and connection. 


Suggestions for Tasteful Tidings 

The key? Keep it classy. Remember, unless you’re talking about Halloween candy or Santa’s beard, less is often more. Here’s a no-fail guide to navigating the holidays that can help you strike a balance between glim and grim: 

Halloween and Thanksgiving: 

  • Skip the spooky: No death-focused imagery—leave the gore for the horror movies. 
  • Autumn vibes: Think less haunt and more harvest with cornstalks, pumpkins, and seasonal foliage. 
  • Fun and friendly: Classic Halloween icons like scarecrows, witches, and black cats can keep it light and playful. Just no real(ish) skeletons, please! 
  • Office honorability: Consider what’s behind the curtain—have staff keep personal decor limited. Remember, social media moves fast and an offensive selfie can ruin your reputation. 

Christmas, Hanukkah, and Winter Holidays: 

  • Neutral and natural: Stick to rustic elements with universal appeal like potted poinsettias, evergreen boughs, seasonal wreaths, and snowflakes. 
  • Lighten up: Soft, warm string lights are an easy way to add elegance. Better yet, upgrade to flameless candles—timeless symbols of tribute ideal for every season. 
  • Inclusive options: Consider the diverse religious traditions of your community as well as those who may not be religious.


The Bottom Line: Consider Your Community 

Ultimately, trust your instincts and recognize the unique needs of your audience. Funeral directors have the extraordinary task of serving their communities with respect for both the joy of life and the gravity of grief. And even in the darkness of grief—or perhaps especially so—there’s a place for warmth, connection, and the celebration of life. This holiday season, knowing you brought comfort to someone during a difficult time might be the best gift of all.